from my perspective, we had a great chemistry. i haven't felt myself when being in a "potential" relationship before whereby i could easily express and nothing to suppress. i'm clueless of our direction but yet i could no longer stay if it wasn't meant to be. i build my courage and for the first time ever, i confessed. its always the first for me when i'm around with him. we are totally the opposite but i find him comforting in so many ways. i may not know the reason why we crossed path however i hope its a good one eventually. i prayed for his happiness even though i'm not in it. 

goodbye my almost. 

 reliving the trauma i occasionally had to endure. harassment isn't a joke. 

i don't want to live. might sound extreme but i just can't do this survival mode any longer. i lost touch of my senses. i thrive for excitement but nothing in particular could ignite it. i'm not asking much, some peace and happiness might do the trick i guess? i don't know what i am anymore. question now to myself, is it worth the living? 

the audacity of someone who betrayed you begged for a place in your life again is absurd. crying over spoilt milk? would your miserable stories with the current affair will make any difference to me? You took me for granted, just reap what you sow. lets start off with that. 

its no longer my burden. i've coped a lot and been very patient. i've put up with unfortunate incidents that were mind blowing. Nevertheless, i endlessly rooted and gave encouragement. 

my opinions were not held accountable as it would cause ""unnecessary"" stress. I'd hold my tongue from being vocal and wasnt able to speak freely. it actually takes to listen, comprehend and reflect. you just cant say anything when the person is not ready to hear or accept. it would be a waste of time. didn't say i never tried.

there were so many red flags which i completely put a blind eye. god had gradually showed me but still; ignorant. pure blinded by so called 'love'. in the end i felt something was off and my instinct knew i was being treated as an option. i took the courage to put an end and expecting a clean departure but things went sideway the next day. all dirt was revealed. don't mess with (some) women's intuition cause its always right. 

its for the best. my best. slapped me to reality for accepting a half arsed bare minimum piece of meat. 

well it is what it is

i was in search for clarity. i tried my utmost best to understand every perspective that went south. well the answer wasn't suppose to be coming from me to begin with. as days passed by, slowly the truth revealed. it hurts. but.. it made me yearn to look forward and never a peep back. the years i had face was blinded by the symphony of sweet lies. was it even real in the first place? i'm confused. as if it was meaningless. but now all is well. i'm glad i dodged the bullet from a gun point. 
i learned the most important value in a person should have is a good heart with good intention. never have i ever imagine how heartless a person can be. how easy the heart could be swayed by ruthless misconception. how reckless to blame on others. am very much aware we sometimes can't be the best version of ourselves everyday but this made me speechless. relieved that i know now. i escaped from a shit hole. 
good riddance.
pov: no matter how life treats you bad always remember that there are better days 

in order to achieve the goods is purely based on the need for self to change.

blessing is truly in disguise. there i said it.
i was betrayed by a person who i assumed "the one" and instantly knew i'm gonna hit rock bottom for a long period of time. but slowly i could oppose my thoughts. in the midst of this grieving process, i am surprise receiving all the love and support that has been surrounding me lately (they always do). i gain much more than i anticipated without realizing. my bond between family and friends grow stronger. their presence made such a big impact and they play a vital role by pulling me out at the end of the tunnel. all this time i have everything that i need just right under my nose yet i was foolish to let someone dictate my mind the need of that person to grow old with was far much important.

i'm utterly again blessed and could finally see my worth. this will definitely leave a scar but i have every rights to be alive again.
i gave my all to make another being happy but down the road i neglected my own and lost myself. with this chance, i shall use it wisely and diligently. life lesson learned and it will always be a continuing process. everything happened for a reason. i put trust in Him.

to all that has been rooting for me, thank you and bless your souls. God answered my prayer to be in a space with genuine mindful hearts and estrange from the spoil.

cheers to an ecstatic beginning.