Saturday, September 17

oh me

Benefits.
You must be thinking maybe 'friends with benefits '? *include in a smirk face to it* Mine's different.
Have you ever been used by someone for their own good? I'm sure you've been. Well that's me in a nutshell nowadays & constantly giving me a hard time. Gosh. Taking my kindness for granted to be precise. I'm the person who rarely says no for an answer probably more of  the i'm up to it! girl and its oblivious where's the main point why all of this is actually a problem. I wasn't decisive with myself, not entirely vigilant on the decisions i made moreover letting people to do such things; i'm disappointed.
I'm sure my niat on helping is always there but as time goes by i felt tired and questioned 'do usually people give.. get back? Due to so many reason i said so and couldn't further explain. Don't judge. If the person is doing vice versa, i wouldn't mind at all but.. its complicated. Knowing  the fact that the person you've been there, looking out their backs.. wouldn't do the same; is saddening. The only conclusion i can came up with it was to stay away. I clearly want to refrain myself in such hardship. However, it didn't end just yet. Its officially endless! Only with different people. Its true problems don't settle at only one place. No more i said but the thing is i'm being such a coward to stand up/voice out for myself and conclude that i'm absolute in fear of changes.
Bitter of me to restrain in seeing them because all of this are coming from my friends. Closest ones especially.