Sunday, December 20

Its a good/bad thing

I have in mind this one motto that i would like to share. Its been in me for the past few months now and i have to say i'm all well in living the motto; 'Ada, ada. Tkda, tkpeh'. I was inspired by someone who i will not forget and i have to admit, i learned a lot from him.
Lately everything didn't seem to fit in and as i observe my state through, there's not a day which i'm capable of to handle on my own. I'm more like a 'go with the flow' type but seriously i couldn't catch up. Mentally tired and didn't see it coming at one point i burst myself slipping tears while sharing a conversation with my cousin this one night. Clearly i did not want her to worry such silly days i had as i know she is busy herself with loads of endless assignments. I could not stand still no more when she asked whether i am okay or not.
After having a talk with her, the burden i'm holding onto slowly flowing like river showing that i'm really at ease. I could totally felt it that night. I might say i'm aware of all those advices... its just i need to hear it from someone else in other way someone who knows me from A - Z, maybe i was needing someone to understand my circumstances and share a bit of what i'm going through.

At last i realised, my motto does not well apply to all problems. I was into the motto so much, probably i lost numerous chances to make things that didn't mean to happen actually happen. The 'tkda, tkpeh' is like you are okay if the things you want it so bad or its happening let it slip away in front of your very eyes because of what, because 'its okay' and nothing left more to explain. I decided to rethink and come into senses that its really effecting me so bad. I did not make any further efforts to let the 'happen' was actually something that i'm longing to have , its just that i'm unconscious how extreme it was when i thought through it after a month but its too late now. I'm crying over spoilt milk.
I'm the one who set the motto and carelessly did not set what was priority and the other way round. Its a terrible experience and how shall i deny that i not made such mistakes but like it or not i have to accept. Talking about accepting, i think life has been so rough on me. People are giving me such hard times. Maybe i thought when i was nice to people, they would perhaps appreciate more or less but what was i thinking. Yes i know its all about sincerity at first and you should not hope for any retribution but when you, yourself in trouble and they refuse to help also giving damn side excuses wouldn't you been thinking what have you done to the person itself. Like really, helping a bit wouldn't hurt a fly.

I know i am not alone of having a 'bad day' or weeks, months kind of thing, its just everyone has their own way of having and going through it and this is what i'm dealing right now.
 I made up my mind which i really need to change my motto but still retaining my current when it suit the circumstances or as a side help maybe. You guys must be thinking what crap i'm talking as of course a 2 years old could think of that but this is who i am. Seriously if i have no such motto or a saying which keeps motivating me, the go with the flow type ain't happening. Its a tip from me tho, set something in our mind what kind of person you would like to be and for real, this really help me from falling to negativity real quick but in one condition is that you always follow the motto at its best and you're all up in a jippy. Sometimes when you are feeling down just apply the motto and take a deep breathe and you're all good. This apply to those who are not expressive and always keep things to theirselves as i am; a latent person.

I shall now declare a new one that is; now or never.
I gave a thought on this one through a night which i am going to proceed what's best for me in a short period time and never to regret to the decisions that i made and will make as long i'm doing what i desire. More focussing and putting myself first than others as i like the other way around which i care more on people's wish than mine. Its good to make others happy but no more, i'll do as i am capable off.
Then after trying, maybe i can apply the 'ada, ada. tkda, tkpeh.' Simple as that. HA HA, guys really i'm just sharing on how i literally sorting out my problems. Wish it helps!

Cheers to now or never!
Salam Satu Malaysia.