Tuesday, May 28

Odd.


It took a lot of effort to keep up my life. I wonder if my existences really help others or bore them but I’m cautious that I’m not living to please everyone. Lately, i even hardly remember what good deeds that I’ve done. All I do is holding back grudges, unsatisfied with humans especially on twitter and fattening myself, that’s worst. I don’t want to be a girl whose trap in a cave or any surroundings that couldn’t let her stands on her feet with bravery and courage. More to be an independent person and I admit it; I simply dislike to give troublesome to others just to solve my mystery case or unimportant to be specific. Well helping is good and the only way to repay back kindness but to me… I don’t know what to say anymore. Lets leave it there hanging cause even me, myself didn’t know what I’m trying to conclude from it.

Its school holiday, couldn’t be any more happier than I am right now. But, it saddens me that I don’t know what to do. Attending tuition? Well that’s a delightful plan which is not. Most (social) teens spending it by going with holidays with friends, enjoy their night like there’s no tomorrow, while i (me) here making a sad extremely to the core frowning face and yelling ‘hell ya boredom strikes me with lightning again!’ in current situation I don’t have any problems to interfere for example poking mum’s armpit in-between she’s cooking cause she took a few days off cooking for us cause she’s tired. I pity her, how I wish I could cook delicious food for her and the whole family to reduce the burden on her.  Not to mention, pinching my lovely niece Emily till she gets really what I mean is really MAD. She slaps me in the face usually and I couldn’t care less and do it again or in a row. That’s how we roll between me and my nieces.  What a great aunt am i. I’m confused on how motherly that certain aunt with her niece. I’m more to making them cry, mad, laugh, happy, anxious and other mixed up feelings that babies could imagine. Am I being to cruel to them? Or its just me.. but trust me, I’m good with them, no child abuse, no nothing, just a joke safe with families.

“ A little levity on rainy days is always welcomed”

As far as I’m concerned nowadays, can I have a bright future? Or be happy to what I’ve chosen for the sake of my life. I should focused on rectify my way towards the-Creator. I’ve been lost and found and the process keeps on repeating.  I’m 100% islam but it felt I’m only islam written on my ID. Maybe because I’m young and only knows how to enjoy life more but less on the after-life which is an everlasting life for us soon. I truly don’t want to be called as munafik or being clueless to stand my rights as islam while debating with non-muslim. I’m lack with knowledge and religions that written in the Holy Quran. Its been decades/centuries/ages Allah have showed our way but why am I so stubborn and still making the same dull mistakes. All due respect, humans are not perfect but islam is. Well I shouldn’t just play with words, I have to prove it or make an effort atleast. Action speaks louder than words, I might say. One day…

Eventually that is all from me.

Salam Satu Malaysia.